I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
