Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There's always time for handjobs
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
