So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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