I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
