We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
