if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
