I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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