She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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