anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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