Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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