I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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