I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize