We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
