i think i have herpe
just one?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
