I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
