i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
