We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
