sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
