you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
