I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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