So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
