Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
