I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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