please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
