just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
