I'm drive I can fine osifer
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
