I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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