I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
