I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
