Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You took a bar mat shot.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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