just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
