I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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