she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize