It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
