he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
