One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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