We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
