the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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