his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
