I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
