so that wasnt chicken after all
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
