I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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