dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
