I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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