hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
