He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
