I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
