Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
