I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
