just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
