i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
