why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
