Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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