I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
