i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
