I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Houston, we have a blender
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
