She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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