theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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