My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
