Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
