Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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