I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think I am morally bankrupt
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
