just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
