Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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