you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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