You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
