i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just cropdusted the office
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
