Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it glows. i had to have it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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