I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
