batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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