he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
