I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
