i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
