Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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