Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
