Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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