the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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